I know it isn't your scene, it's better than a sex scene and it's so fucking obscene.

Rik's Log 10.31.10

So it’s that time of year again when the freaks come out & knock on your doors...
Yeap election time is almost. And this year it looks like the circus came to town.
With all the Elephants, tigers, and clowns.

Since President Obama has been empowering people to follow their dreams
And push for change and service their towns & communities,
Everyone now believes that they too can be useful part of the government.

Well obviously that’s a bad idea.
Now we every Tom, Dick, and Nazi is running for public office.
And every witch, troll, and hooker too
And even a few self confessed constitutional scholars.
Hell even Elvira is throwing her hat in!


All this makes for a crazy fun election year,
With every idiot voicing their opinions
And every politico hasbeen sticking their 2 cents
And wannabe comedians making spoofs
But after a few months everyone get’s tired
Of all the maniacs and the riots and all the spectacle.

Sometimes we just want to see a civilized debate
Where we understand the issues at hand
And what can best be done to better our country.

And with everyone talking about changing the political climate
And how to improve Washington D.C.
You begin to wonder if there will actually be change.
Or if these retards just want to get the cushy government jobs
And reap the benefits of being in power.

And...
You know what’s funny that the biggest talkers
The crazies who want to change our government
The greastest malcontents who fear that
We’ll become a socialist state persecuting the rich
Yeap those crazies.

Well...
Theyre the one’s who aren’t running for public office.
Is it a case of talking the talk and not walking the walk?
Or are they just smart enough to know that no one wants them in power
So that leaves them the opportunity to open their mouths
With no repercussions cause they don’t have to answer to no one.

Well there could be one more possibility;
That they are waiting for the big enchilada in 2012.
Hopefully (praying to God) theyre smart enough to know
That they aint got a chance in Hell for the Presidency.

But that would be too much to ask.
Afterall we're all expecting a crazy presidential campaign in 2012.

Well there’s a lot more I could say about this retarded campaign year...
But right now I gotta start getting ready for Halloween.




KARMA bums

The Cops & Queers make goodlooking models.

Rik's Log 10.23.10



So Halloween is coming fast and I'm freaking out!
As usual I've procrastinated and I dont have a costume yet.
I've been kicking ideas around but concepts arent solutions
And now I am facing the possibility of not having a costume for Halloween.
Well this will certainly suck.

Sooo why the fuck do you need a costume for Halloween?
(Are you asking me? Oh youre not…well I’ll tell you anyways.)

You need a costume because of Halloween parties.
That’s the only reason an adult would get a Halloween costume.


You dont want to be the loser
Who goes to a costume party sans costume.
Sure you can try to brush it off
"I’m not into fads." or "I dont like having fun."
Or say something like
"Halloween is an overrated commercial holiday."
But then no one will want to hang with you.


And mosdef no girl who’s dress as a slutty nurse
Or slutty angel or a slutty investment banker
Is gonna wanna chill with the I’m-not-into-fads guy.

Cause not being into fads kinda makes you a party-pooper...
And who like a party pooper?

So if you want to have fun with all the costumed partiers
Especially all the girls in the slutty costumes
Then you better get a costume.

And the cooler or more extravagant your costume
The better itll help you in attracting chics...
And ultimately, just like the Xmas Island crabs,
That’s the whole purpose of our existence.


Sooo now back to my dilemma.
I’ve been thinking that I should get a costume
That’s not to hi-maintenance
But also not too obscure that people don’t get it.

I thought about doing the whole LOST thing
Since it probably my last chance to do anything LOST related.
I considered grabbing a Dharma Initiative jumpsuit...
it's pretty easy to put one on and grab some sneakers
Walk around like I’m still doing serious experiments on the Island.

I also thought about dressing as John Locke
But that might fall under the too obscure for Halloween costume.


I've kicked around my old ideas for bit
I thought about Nurse Joker but that might be too big a production.
Also thought of dressing up as like a cholo vato
But in SoCal it might seem too real to look like a costume
And it might get in a few problems too.


I can do a crazy lewd costume like the walking Breathalyzer
Or something Old Skool like Star Wars or TMNT
but I wouldnt be as cool as this Turtle Freak
I’d also consider the classic Zombie or Vampire...

I also thought about following some trends
And dressing like the Jersey Shore

Or one of the rescued Chilean miners

Or maybe I'll buy some hospital scrubs and bloody them up
And tell everyone that I'm a Bloody Doctor!
Yea, it would be funny if I had a British accent.


I could also do something political like Barrakula Or a Sexy Sara Palin...but that might be a lil too involved.


Man I've got sooo man options but sooo little time
Which sucks cause while I'm sitting here blogging
The clock kicks ticking and I’m still not sure what to do.

Sooo that leaves me with one week to figure out what to wear.
Thank God there’s a costume shop right across from base..
Sooo mañana I’m going to go over and see if I can find something

Or else I might just do the whole John Locke thing
And be then hella frustrated
That I’d have to explain to every retard through the night
What my costume is about.



KARMA bums

All right stop collaborate and listen!

Rik's Log 10.17.10

So I dunno if any of youve heard of this new show.



Apparently the most successful white rapper
Before the era of Eminem
Is now doing home repairs.
He's apparently sooo good that theyve given him his own show.

What's the friggin deal with hasbeen celebrities?
Theyre getting new professions (obviously cause theyre failures)
And having it documented on T.V.

There's friggin Tony Danza trying to teach English.
There's Steven Seagal harassing black people & red necks in NOLA.
Then there's all those friggin hasbeens trying to dance on ABC.

A concept as ridiculous as recycling a condom;
It seems that every failed celebrity
With a schemey agent is getting a new TV show.
Theyre getting attention for attempting to do what we do everyday; earn a decent living.
And theyre not even competent at these jobs!

I mean what’s next?
MC Hammer’s Driving School
Or Weird Al’s investment accounting firm?
Or Mike Tyson’s pet grooming services
And Pauly Shore’s hotdog stand?

I know it’s just gonna keep getting ridiculous...
Well I guess I'll just have to deal with the fact
That gone are those days
When celebrities faded away from the limelight with diginity.

We'll just have to get use to seeing them come back to T.V.
Trying to be successful towing cars or selling ice cream.
Or whatever loser job they can get after they’ve blown all their cash.

WORD TO YOUR MOTHER!


KARMA bums

Youre so gay and you dont even like boys.

RIk's Log 10.10.10

So here's my girl Katy Perry hanging out on Street.



Damn she's sooo hot, I would mosdef give my right eye to smush her. Russell Brand better be fighting photographers to protect her ass
Cause man she is definitely one goddamn HPOA.

Anyways...
This is the controversial banned vid of Katy on Sesame St.
She's doing this kid-friendly version of Hot N Cold with Elmo.
It's pretty fun to watch, and I'm sure kids would enjoy it too.
But apparently some parents dont want their kids to watch a Cali hottie
Who's known for sexually suggestive pop songs and racy music vids
And crazy publicity stunts.
Oh...and dating a weird English comedian.
So I guess the kids will be deprived of great music once again.

Well thank God for Youtube!
Cause I really like this vid and I hope you enjoy it too.




KARMA bums

Let's talk about sex baby.

Rik's Log 10.8.10



So there’s this new sex survey out.
Apparently they asked a bunch of people if they were having sex
And I’m sure everyone said yes.
(Unless theyre voting for Christine “I’m not a witch” O'Donnell.)

Well anyways the results weren’t too surprising.
Oral sex...apparently everyone is doing it.
Men, women, young and old...giving & getting head is thing to do.
Which comes as no surprise to anyone
Who’s been sexually active for the past ten years.

Gay sex is on the rise,
Particularly among people who don’t consider themselves gay.
Which also isn’t too surprising either.
We know drinking and horniness and experimenting all go together.

The biggest surprise of all, however is—ANAL SEX.
No not the gay kind...the straight kind. --YEAH!


Yeap it seems like more women are getting into it
And they don’t actually mind it...
And some seem to actually like it!

Well this brings me to my point.
Not that I’m saying it’s [anal sex] awesome
Or that it's something sooo amazing or anything to blog about...
(I dunno cause I’ve never done it)
But I’m kinda peeved that anal sex is becoming sooo popular.
In like 10 years when everyone else will be having anal sex
And bragging about it like it’s bread with butter,
I’ll still be one of the 20% of men who won’t have done it.

Why? Did you ask?
(You didn’t ask? Well whatever I’ll tell ya anyways)
The reason is because I’m blessed (or curse or whatever)
With a huge penis!

Yes I have a big dick.
(Some might also add that I'm a big dick too.)

No I’m not bragging,
Ask the women I’ve been with; they all say I’m huge.

I know most women say this to every guy they’re with
It’s one of those lies you women do.
Just like the one where you tell us "We're the best."
Usually I don’t believe any of it cause I dont trust most women.

After having the opportunity of dating 2 women who've done anal
And who actually aren’t put off by it (they exist, go fig!)
They’ve denied me the honor because of my “massive size.”
Yea maybe they just don’t want to have anal sex with me...
Who fucking knows...
But after all the complaints and all the "Slow down."
Or "Stop I'm sore."
I’ve come to the realization that yes I’m larger than average.

Yes that can be awesome to brag about...
but what the internet doctor who's shlocking those magic enhancement pills
Doesn’t ever tell you is that there is a downside.

Anyways I think I should write some blog or Tumblr
About 100 reasons why having a big dick sucks.
Itll dispel the myths that the average guys thinks is true.

Which brings me to my last point…
What the fuck is a Tumblr anyways?


KARMA bums