Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease

Rik's Log 6.7.06

People are always saying “Hey I want to know more about Rik…”
No…? Well I’m sure someone is interested…
Or maybe you have nothing to do and…
Well boredom is enough of a reason.

Anyways I took a survey & I don’t know why…
I was drinking the night before and today I woke up in front of my computer
With a finished survey and a bloody knife and a note that said “So dark the…”
Anyways read it if you dare…


1. Say something totally random about yourself
So I hate my life
& I find that the situations I’m involved
are impossibly trite and completely boring…

2. How much cash do you have on you right now?
You want it? You’re gonna have to earn it.

3. Are you a lover or a fighter?
Well I’m obviously not a lover…
I’m more of loser who wants to be fighter & then a lover.

4. What's the last text message on your cell phone say?
‘Are you coming over here? Or are we meeting at the place? KARMA bums’
It could be worse, could read ‘R U cum o’er? We meet @ d’yoint?

5. Have you ever been rushed into the emergency room?
They didn’t really rush
I was in pain & the EMT guys are talking to a nurse!

6. Is the single life the life for you?
Oh the life at sea is the life for me…
I guess I’m one of those folks
Who’s cursed to walk the Earth not getting any

7. As a kid, were you a Lego maniac?
I just had three blocks and half a man—I couldn’t be a maniac with three Lego pieces
I wanted to be but I could afford all those Lego-sets. It’s sad.

8. What is your favorite smell?
I love the smell of napalm in the morning…
But I think the smell of grilling meat is the best—BBQ anyone?

9. Do you chew on your straws?
Yeah, big whoop, you got a problem with that?

10. Have any secret talents?
If I told people well then it wouldn’t be a secret.

11. Have you ever been in a fight?
“How much can you know about yourself,
If you've never been in a fight?
I don't wanna die without any scars.”
It’s been over 15 years since I’ve tangled with someone
Man I’m itching to go fist-to-cuffs.
First rule of fight…

12. Do you prefer electric or mechanical pencil sharpener?
Something about spinning the handle in mechanical pencil sharpener
Well there’s just something about it that you gotta love.

13. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Who licks a lollipop? Most people just suck it for 20 mins.

14. Name someone with the same b-day as you.
Martin Scorsese
Funny fact Mickey Mouse’s b-day is a day after mines…

15. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I would go back 2000 years ago
And rescue Jesus from the cross…
Just to piss off those Born-Agains
They would have no reason to knock on my door
Or talk to me in the subway—cause there be no savior.

16. Is marriage in your future?
Not by the looks of me…
But I’ll tell you this…if marriage is in my future so is divorce.

17. What's your stand on Hunting?
Talking about marriage—hunting should be more dangerous
Let’s hunt animals that can think & carry weapons…
And let’s let them hunt us back…now that be supa-kewl
Now what kinda animal thinks & carries weapons…?

18. You believe in divorce?
It exist doesn’t it—I’ve seen the papers man…
Who doesn’t believe Divorce is real?

19. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
If you want the ultimate thrill
You gotta be willing to pay the ultimate price
And that price is $399 for each lesson.

20. What is your middle name spelled backward?
Saile

21. Do you own a pair of dice?
Nigga do I owe a pair of dice!
I’m in the corner each day getting’ dat cheddar.
My dice are my work tools!
22. Can you do the moonwalk?
I was the one letting those pigeons loose when MJ was acquitted
Yeah motherfucker I do the moonwalk!
I only know how to dance to MJ’s music.

23. Do you like coffee?
Absolutely not…
I don’t like my coffee in a mug
I don’t like my coffee when I’m smug
I don’t like it in the train
I don’t like when it rains
I don’t like—actually I can chug 10 cups a day.

24. Do you snore?
I’ve been accused by some—but exonerated by others…
I’m soo OCD about this one day I will film myself sleeping to find the truth.

25. What is the biggest lie you’ve heard?
The biggest…? That’s tough I’ve heard lots of lies
Well—“If you’re a good person you shall be rewarded…”
But that’s not really a lie as more of a false doctrine.
There’s always the politicians favorite
“I’m for the American (or whatever nation) people!”
That’s a big lie.

26. What are you allergic to?
Stupidity.

27. Are blondes dumb?
Yes, but they sure are fun.
Wait I know too many blonde people—
I’ll rephrase the question & ask you what the definition of dumb is

28. Do you have a nickname?
Rikky-D or Rikky Dino but no one ever calls me that…
I’ve been known to response to idiot, asshole, maniac,
And even sometimes you incompetent *&*%#$!

29. Do you like maps?
I’m a fucking cartography master motherfucker!
I can find my way outta an elephant’s ass with a map.
But I must say this really is a stupid question

30. List the things you never leave home without.
My knives, my multi-tool, my mini-maglite
My wallet with my IDs (it a must for coloured folk)
At least 4 bucks or a loaded metro-card
My keys, a bottle opener, my cell phone, gum
Oh and of course, pants, shoes and a shirt. : )

31. Where’s your favorite place to eat?
Anna Maria’s Pizzaria up in Williamburg Bklyn

32. How do you like your eggs?
I like them boiled or scrambled or fried
I like them beat or poached and even sun-dried.
I like them sunny-side up or down
I like them when I drive through town.
Man I’m gonna go get me an omlette.

33. Is Santa Claus real?
What do you mean is it real…?
I’ve seen his picture!
Do you think the CIA made him up like Ronald Reagan or Osama Bin Laden?

34. Do you play any instruments?
I don’t think the skin flute is an instrument…
But I tried being adept at the drums, guitar, paino, recorder…
I failed obviously but got enough instruments to start a band.

35. What's the most annoying TV commercial?
Those anti-smoking ‘TRUTH’ commercial
They’re so sickeningly self-righteously & smug
It makes even non-smokers want to smoke.

36. Do you shop at American Eagle?
Actually no…do I look like I shop there…
My brother worked in the shop for 2 years
And all I got was a hat…and a T-shirt.

37. Are dogs man's best friend?
Yeah and they’re pretty damn tasty too.

38. Do you believe in magic?
Yeah I’ve seen some card-tricks that blow you…
Yes I said blow you—now ain’t that magical?

39. What’s the worse show currently on television?
My super sweet 16.
I hate them bitches! Kill them all!

40. Do you think that Pirates are cool or overrated?
I’ve got a jolly-roger on my arm
And a Pirate flag in my room…?
Yo-ho-ho and bottle of rum—take to the seas!

41. What are you addicted to?
Well at night I go crazy around the house looking for cookies
Sometimes I want Doritos but usually it’s popcorn…
Oh and I have to have my ice-cream!

42. Have you ever stolen money?
I can not recall but I might have…
I’ve stolen before I think—
You know I’m gonna move on to the next question
before I say something really incriminating

43. Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
They’ve never been uncontrollable…
What’s with all these incriminating questions!

44. Have you read "Catcher in the Rye"?
For some compelling reason
I have to get copies and copies of that book…
And there are voices telling me to fight injustice by killing Ringo Starr.

45. If you could kill one person, how would you do it?
Very violently…probably smashing the face into concrete…
Pound out a few aggressions…
Of course I’m not opposed to stabbing them either…
Hmm…it’s very tough question, there are many options.

46. Do wish you could live somewhere else?
Don’t I ever…
Just lemme sail away into the unknown waters.

47. Pick a lyric, any lyric from a song.
We're down on our knees
Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease.

46. What is your current problem?
I lack the funds to complete my master plan.

49. What's your worst fear?
I fear nothing
Expect becoming a has-been
Working on VH1’s shows talking about the past.
That’s a horrible end.

50. Who do you love?
My things I love my things…
They’ll end up owning me but I love ‘em.